Could I Have Done More?

The summer between my junior and senior years of high school was one of the more fun summers of my life, except for one life changing tragic event. It was as summer of sleeping in, having a car to drive around, a cush summer job at a swimming pool and lots of friends. It started out with some horrible news. One of my friends was Vernon Mays. He and I were pretty good friends in middle school although he was a year older than me. He came on vacation with my family one summer to the beach and I can remember camping with his family and that was a blast. One thing about Vernon was that he stuttered. He stuttered more when he was nervous and when he got upset.

We were not as close during high school, he had his new friends and I had mine, although we had no falling out more of a subtle drift that happens with kids. The week after graduation, most students would go to Virginia Beach to celebrate. Vernon was no exception. He went with his friends and from reports got pulled over by the Virginia Beach police and was arrested for being intoxicated. The officer reported that Vernon's speech was slurred and therefore suspected him of being drunk. According to his friends who were with him Vernon had not been drinking at that time.

After he was released Vernon went home and committed suicide. In his note he wrote that he did not want to live in a world that did not understand him, he did not want to live in a world that judged him and did not understand him. I can remember being at the funeral looking at his parents and his sister and thinking that I should have done more, I should have been there for him. I should have done a better job of communicating God's unconditional total acceptance of him. These were pretty heavy things for a 17 year old to be thinking.

This past Sunday I read an article in the Chronicle about Eric Von Porten. He committed suicide on December 2^nd. The article, which is very in depth describes Eric as a loving husband and father who was very dedicated to his work as a hedge fund manager. His wife and colleagues attribute his struggles to the recent economic downturn. He was a man who struggled with clinical depression and he was getting treatment. He was able to commit suicide despite his family and friends efforts.

When I read the article I went right back to Vernon and others I have known who have attempted suicide or have succeed in it and I was convinced that we need to be reminded that we are the hope in a world without hope, we are the light in a world of darkness. Those of us who know Jesus have this opportunity and responsibility to offer our lives and more importantly the hope and peace that is found in Christ to others.

Like many of our friends and co-workers Eric's whole life centered around his financial success. He was very good at making money, but with the current economy all of that changed. When that collapsed, he found it to be a house of cards. It is clear from the article that he was clinically depressed and needed medical attention. As a society we could benefit from a better understanding of this medical condition and the treatments that are available. That being said I am wondering what we can do as a church as followers of Jesus during these difficult times?

I would encourage all of us to check in with each other, to ask our coworkers and neighbors how they are doing. I would encourage you to be bold in your love and care for those around you. Do not be afraid of looking foolish by asking the question, are you OK? After reading this article I even asked one friend who is going through a difficult time, "I don't meant to pry but are you thinking about hurting yourself?, If you were would you tell me?" I guess it was worth it to me to ask. I would rather have that than have to go to another funeral and regret that I did not do more.