Positive Displacement

Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism that helps us cope with difficult situations. For example when we are angry we hit a pillow instead of our boss. We displace our rage that we feel toward our boss or friend to an inanimate object that is safe. Psychologists describe this defense mechanism as being unconscious and most examples are in the negative, defending against negative emotional outbursts that could cause harm.

Last week I shared about my sister Linda and the difficulty I was having with her death and the dysfunction of my family. As I was blogging I sat in Peet's coffee in Berkeley and sat next to a gentleman named Bill. Bill looked to be around thirty-five, African American and that he was a working man. He had on a green jacket. He looked at me and asked, "Is that a computer?" I said, "Yes." I turned my screen toward him so he could see what I was writing. He said, "Man you can type fast, I couldn't type that fast in a million years." I laughed. He said, "Where did you learn to type so fast?" I said, "Practice." There was a pause as I continued to write.

Bill looked at me and said, "We are the same, we are both men." I said, "Yes we are, we have eyes and a nose and a mouth." He said "Yep we are the same you and me." As you can tell from our conversation Bill was mentally handicapped. It was clear from our conversation he was developmentally disabled, much like my sister Linda. As we got to talking, Bill told me he lived with his mom and had one brother. He said he worked in a kitchen in downtown Oakland where he helped in food prep. He also went to church and weekly bible study and loved Jesus.

As I was talking to him I realized that in that moment of grief and pain for my sister, God placed Bill in my path. He let me run into Bill because I could not love my sister or mourn her death in the traditional fashion. Instead, God allowed me to love Bill. God allowed me to speak to Bill and have a conversation with him and treat him with dignity and respect. He allowed me to let Bill know that we are the same and that we are both created in the image of God, both His beloved.

I was able to express my love to Bill because I had no ability to do so toward Linda.

I don't think displacement always needs to be a negative thing. I think many of us who had difficult relationships with others in our past can find joy and healing through caring for those around us now. We can serve and help those in our present circumstance as a way of redeeming past hurts and wrongs.

I think also that Christ calls us to this when he describes our call in Matthew 25:

37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

We want to thank Jesus for all that he has done for us. One way to do this is to express our love and care to the least of these. We want to serve God, one way to do this is to serve the least of these.

I will continue in my grief to turn this negative into a positive, searching for ways to honor Linda and what she has taught me by being respectful to those of us who are different, who others might not have patience for, but I do because God placed her in my life.

 

Peace

Edwin